Wedding Etiquette

Wedding etiquette; where do we start? Well it's not a good idea to walk up the church aisle with the train of your wedding dress caught in your knickers, but you probably knew that already. What you might be less clued up on, however, is the who, what, why, where and when of the traditional British wedding – in which case, read on McDuff…

Who pays?

Traditionally, the bride's parents have the privilege of paying for the marriage of their daughter to the man of her dreams. This is not set in stone, however, and it is not uncommon for the bride and groom to pay for their own wedding these days. Whatever you decide about financing your wedding, make sure everyone is clear about who's paying for what to avoid any last minute nightmares or embarrassment as a consequence of non-payment of bills!

If you're going down the traditional route of the bride's parents paying for the wedding, they will pay for: wedding stationery, bride and bridesmaids' dresses, wedding bouquet and any additional flowers for the church and reception, wedding photography, reception and any additional entertainment, wedding cars (with the exception of the groom's car) and the wedding cake.

It may sound like the bride's parents have everything covered, but the groom is expected to pick up the cost of a few things, including: wedding rings, buttonholes for the wedding party, all wedding licence / church fees, his own wedding transport, gifts and flowers for the wedding party and, of course, the honeymoon.

Roles and responsibilities

The bride – otherwise known as The Boss! The bride (in conjunction with her parents if they're paying) pretty much has the last word on anything and everything to do with the wedding. Well, when you consider that most girls grow up dreaming of a fairytale wedding, which self-respecting groom would deny her this opportunity in real life?! On the day itself, the bride's main job is to be relaxed, happy and beautiful, welcome guests at the reception and keep the champagne industry in business.

The groom – aside from perfecting the phrase, ‘yes dear’, the groom’s job is to support the bride in the planning and organising of the wedding and to organise and pay for those aspects of the day that fall under his responsibility. On the day, the groom’s main responsibilities are his speech in reply to the bride’s father, welcoming guests to the reception with his new wife and repeatedly topping up her champagne glass while telling her how beautiful she looks and how lucky he is.

The best man – has quite a pivotal role to play in ensuring your wedding day goes without a hitch, so choose him (or her) wisely! He will help calm the nerves of the groom on the day, will look after the wedding rings until the appropriate time in the ceremony, should organise the ushers and ensure that all the guests have transport from the church / registry office to the reception venue. At the reception, the best man gives a speech in response to the groom and also reads out any telegrams, cards and messages of congratulations for the bride and groom from absent guests. The best man also arranges the stag night on behalf of the groom.

The bridesmaids – are there to support the bride. If you have a chief bridesmaid, she will assume responsibility for organising the other bridesmaids, will look after your wedding bouquet during the marriage ceremony and will be your walking handbag to ensure you remain looking gorgeous until the moment you retire to bed.

The father of the bride – apart from bursting at the seams with pride, the bride's father has the honour and responsibility of accompanying his daughter to the church / registry office and escorting her up the aisle to her awaiting prince charming. The father of the bride also delivers the first of the wedding speeches at the reception.

The mother of the bride – bearer of the tissues for guests of an emotional persuasion, the mother of the bride is the official host and social butterfly of the happy occasion. She arrives at the church / registry office with the bridesmaids and then, accompanied by the father of the bride, her daughter and new son-in-law, she welcomes guests to the reception and ensures everyone enjoys themselves as the celebrations commence.

The order of service

If you are having a church wedding, you will probably have a dress rehearsal to run through the order of proceedings ahead of the day itself. It's highly likely that you'll completely forget everything you have practised as the adrenalin kicks in and the nerve pixies run off with your memory and motor skills on the day, but it's still a good idea to have a trial run anyway.

Your ushers will be responsible for seating your guests when they arrive, but will need to know that in Christian weddings the bride's family and friends sit on the left-hand-side of the church and the groom's family and friends sit on the right. At the end of the ceremony, there is a traditional order for the wedding party to leave the church, which is the bride and groom followed by the chief bridesmaid and best man, then the mother of the bride with the groom's father followed by the father of the bride with the groom's mother.

Whether you are getting married in a church or having a civil ceremony, it is a good idea to meet up with your minister a good while in advance of your wedding to discuss the order of service or ceremony, ask any questions you may have and seek any guidance you may need on choosing readings, hymns and prayers etc. If you are planning to have an order of service booklet for your guests, you may want to read our wedding stationery guide for things you need to be aware of concerning the reproduction of hymns, readings and prayers.

Who sits where at the reception?

If you are having a traditional wedding breakfast, you will need to draw up a seating plan to avoid pandemonium breaking out as people sit down to eat. You might like to group people together according to things they have in common – such as 'family members', 'university friends', 'friends of the family' and so on (and lest we forget, the 'what on earth do we do with these people' table!).

Traditionally, the dining room for the wedding breakfast is laid out with a top table for the wedding party. Seating arrangements on the top table are for the bride and groom to sit next to each other in the middle with the father of the bride, the mother of the groom and the best man seated to the left of the bride and the mother of the bride, groom's father and chief bridesmaid to the right of the groom. If you have more than one bridesmaid and space allows, you can seat all your bridesmaids on the top table.

It's easy to tie yourself in knots over wedding etiquette but as long as you remember the basics and let everyone know what is expected of them during the wedding planning and on the day itself, you won't go far wrong (providing you manage to keep your wedding dress train out of your knickers!)